Is your body language working against you? | Cara Hale Alter

Cara Hale Alter argues that body language can work against a person even when their intentions and self-image are positive. After 25 years studying nonverbal communication, she says she has repeatedly seen a gap between how people feel internally and how others read them. Posture, facial expression, gaze, and voice can affect perceived credibility, confidence, and leadership presence. Alter treats these behaviors as learnable skills, not innate traits, so negative impressions may reflect specific habits that can be changed rather than a flaw in someone’s character.

Alter singles out posture and speaking volume as two behaviors with an outsized effect on visible credibility. Strong posture means balancing weight, keeping the spine straight and shoulders level in a T shape, and allowing the head to move independently. The nose and eyes should point in the same direction; looking one way with the eyes while turning the nose another can appear uncomfortable, sneaky, judgmental, or skeptical. Facing someone directly and opening the body can instead signal directness and connection. These cues do not necessarily reflect what someone means to convey, but they influence how others interpret them.

Alter rates speaking volume from 1, inaudible, to 5, too loud. Level 3 is average, while level 4 is her preferred target for a given situation. The appropriate volume depends on the room, its acoustics, and the circumstances; going even one step beyond level 4 can lead listeners to put up barriers. Many people default to level 3, which may be adequate but can limit connection and influence. The goal is not simply to speak louder in every setting, but to adjust to what listeners need to hear comfortably.

Eugene thought colleagues were ignoring his ideas, but Alter found that his volume was at level 2 or below. She estimated she missed about half of what he said, and his colleagues confirmed they could not hear him. The example shows how an interpersonal problem can have a practical, correctable cause. Likewise, feedback such as “show more confidence” may be a broad way of describing a specific behavior to work on. Alter says that correcting a habit, such as keeping the head and shoulders level, does not require someone to suppress enthusiasm or passion.

The episode’s other examples show how several signals can combine to create an unintended impression. Lauren described herself as shy, but when nervous she held a rigid posture and a poker face; coworkers read her as aggressive and judgmental. Alter advised her to relax her face and reach out to colleagues. Jamie’s small posture, downcast gaze, thin voice, and upward inflections sent mixed signals. Adjusting her stance, gaze, gestures, voice, and eye contact helped her appear more self-assured. The cases illustrate that changing a few visible behaviors can make a person’s outward presentation better match their intentions.

Alter acknowledges that a new behavior can feel phony simply because it is unfamiliar. Jamie used before-and-after video to see the difference and practice. Alter defines authenticity as alignment between how someone describes themselves and how others describe them; changing a behavior to represent oneself more accurately is not, by that definition, inauthentic. Because people may not notice the signals they are sending, she encourages seeking outside feedback, including recording oneself.